Our Basil bosses us around...

Today I was sitting in the kitchen after taking my handsome husband to work contemplating the bleak contents of the fridge- last week’s leftovers growing a new strain of mold (perhaps I could capitalize by selling it to medical research, but I digress) and the dregs at the bottom of the orange juice- when I heard a voice from the corner. “Hey you…chubby.” What, I thought, clearly that basil cannot be referring to me; I haven’t even eaten breakfast yet therefore do not even fulfill the requirements for my stretchy pants. And yet, there it was again. “Hey…you…chubby- have you seen the floor lately? Why don’t you ever mop this stinking floor?” And when you get the mop go ahead and get the vacuum too because that floor in there has enough top soil to plant the garden. And honestly, why is there a bowl sitting in the sink soaking? What do you do when the dishwasher quits? I know what I would do- slap her and tell her to get back to work….” And to make matters worse, the fallacious diatribe was followed by maniacal laughter!!! I was a mix of thoroughly insulted and infuriated. That Basil was way out of line! Didn’t it know that I had been out of town at a conference, or that Nate was busy having his leg eaten off by antibiotic resistant staph, ergo we had no time for paltry household chores like steam mopping the floor? I decided to forgo my breakfast and flew in a cleaning frenzy knowing the only way to appease that bossy basil would be to clean the house. I knew he would just keep nagging me until I got the house clean. I did laundry, mopped, vacuumed, finished up the dishes, changed the staph infected sheets, compulsively washed my hands, and sat down for my daily episode of Matlock, safe in the knowledge that I had cleaned and Matlock would be uninterrupted by the incessant nagging from that moronic basil. And yet, he persisted. “hey…You…Chubby…when was the last time you vacuumed the car?? And oye, the wrappers from granola bars left in there??? When are you gonna get around to those?” I turned up the volume to drownd him out but then he just started yelling. Embarrassed about what the neighbors might think I sullenly got up, turned off Matlock and went out to detail the car. Man that Basil is bossy. In unrelated news we had Italian pasta sauce for dinner tonight…want the recipe? It has lots of Basil.